The Helpful Elephant

2011-07-30T23:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was saturday the 30th of july and it was overcast. I caught a cold
Today is the 31st and its been sunny 18 degree weather... Stuck in bed. My noise is runny, my eyes are watery and I keep sneezing orgasmically.

there's nothing like being sick to make you appreciate being healthy and avoiding the bad stuff.

Its been six months. What's happened? My bed is awesome and so is my back. My posture has improved, I've moved to altona, near the beach; work is fantastic, I told my grandparents that I am gay, which was more for the sale of my mother really. Cleared away a bunch of karmic debt for me and her. I've been going to a gym weekly. Don't meditate, but will soon. Started learning sign language.

I'm happy in a big way. Lovin life

Bed!

2011-01-02T20:07:00.001-08:00

Kyle and I went out yesterday and I got a bed and ensemble for 1635 dollars. The bed itself was 1100 dollars. The thing the bed sits on was worth 500 dollars and they're delivering it for 35, and taking the old piece of crap away. In just two weeks i get my wish!! Oh boy I've wanted a new bed for a while. Just never got round to doing anything about it. Lazy arse! hehe

I'm also cutting dairy out of my diet. I'm drinking soy milk, no more sour cream and I've not had cheese for so long anyway. My skin is going to be healthier. I'm determined to make it happen.

I've cut down on stimulants, exercising and am

I want.

2011-01-01T04:54:00.000-08:00

I look up at the stars and feel a longing. Like...i know them. These bodies are so heavy! It's nice that our thoughts move the parts - the hands, feet, legs etc, but yikes they're so heavy. Fleshy, meaty. Blood, guts, viscera.

I don't want to be in it anymore! It's so annoying. I'm gonna have to bring to myself the best possible thought forms i can manage. I want to shun technology. Get a decent bed that doesn't hurt my back. I want to exercise weekly if not daily. I want to meditate daily and flex my muscles daily. I want to get rid of my hayfever. I want to investigate crystal and sonic healing. I want to investigate herblore. I want to study things for myself. I want to contact AshanRey. I want to finish books and stop using the playstation 3. I don't want people to buy me stuff anymore.I have enough stuff. It keeps piling up and i don't know what to do with it all. I don't have a car, I can't take it anywhere.I want to earn more money so i can buy nicer things like clothing that fits me. I want my body to lose the fat, the stored emotion.

2011-01-01T04:33:00.001-08:00

I've been re-reading my posts so far and I acknowledge the value in the previous posts, while adding this surety. Especially after the Mind Body Spirit Expo - In my later life i shall help others but right now, I'm focusing on myself. I'm going to take all the energy I've been allowing to list in the universe (boat wise listing) and re-direct it into myself.

I finish things that i start.

I had a reading at the Mind body spirit expo and the guy told me that i am in indigo child. I recently had a dream within a dream. An angel told me that i need to keep exercising. When i exercise i feel happier.

"http://www.freewebs.com/karynaalexandar/Angel0.jpg"

2011-01-01T04:33:00.000-08:00

I've been re-reading my posts so far and I acknowledge the value in the previous posts, while adding this surety. Especially after the Mind Body Spirit Expo - In my later life i shall help others but right now, I'm focusing on myself. I'm going to take all the energy I've been allowing to list in the universe (boat wise listing) and re-direct it into myself.

I finish things that i start.

I had a reading at the Mind body spirit expo and the guy told me that i am in indigo child. I recently had a dream within a dream. An angel told me that i need to keep exercising. When i exercise i feel happier.

http://www.freewebs.com/karynaalexandar/Angel0.jpg

"http://www.freewebs.com/karynaalexandar/Angel0.jpg"

C the C

2010-08-22T00:33:00.000-07:00

I have decided to abstain from masturbation for one week. I may choose one photo from my porn collection to keep, as a prize at the end of the week to masturbate over, and i have to destroy all others. I'm also going to cut the crap.

Dagski

2010-08-03T06:10:00.000-07:00

I am a bit of a dag. I'm 23, turning 24 later this year. I'm a sagittarius and I define myself as one. I am an individual, I see love everywhere, i resonate to a higher vibration, i feel the planet all around me and harnass the energy to my advantage. I take and i give in equal measures and I see the world as reality, but also the strange thing beneath reality...

I love talking with people about deep stuff. If you don't like to dnm then you'll want to move on I'd suspect...

I'm interested in exploring all aspects to life, especially the hidden esoteric things.

I like connections and the field.

Not looking for romance, but would love to email someone back and forth and get to know them and stuff.

Lately I've been noticing that life seems...dull, inane...monotonous. I'm no longer satisfied eating the food i ate, thinking the thoughts i thought, drinking the things i drank... I feel disconnected and connected to reality at once. In a different way...

I'm changing...for the better. It's gonna take some time to get used to the new me.

After work everybody rushes home and I watch them and think "I have time, It doesn't matter"

Someone does something annoying and i think "It's not important, why worry about it"

This is all good, and normal. I've just never been here before. It's so serene and calming. I mean I've always been normal but lately i feel like my heart is breakiing out of a shell...

Looking For:

Someone who wants to share with me their knowledge, their life, their being. Someone to share greatness and trouble with.

Someone who 'gets' me as i can be tactless at times. I'm afraid i suffer from foot in mouth syndrome occasionally.

My new housemate Kyle is a really cool guy, someone like him. Friends wise i mean. It's weird though, I mean, I've got everythng i want but still i search...Is this the human condition. To constantly feel as though there's something else around that corner.

It's like... Its like I'm waking up from a dream inside a dream. I think the book 'the peaceful warriro' has something to do with it. I keep thinking i have to make other people have fun and be happy to stop them thinking the world is bad. And... maybe that's not the right thing to say. I'm really confused lately. Life is ...I'm trying to... I dunno... What's ...

The New Elephant.

2010-08-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

Current Statistics:
dex hardlove and ian foxe
Age: 23 years old
Location: Newport, Australia
Height: 178 Cm tall
Weight: 81 Kg

Current Likes:
Food. Sleeping. Dreaming. ABBA. New Age.

Current Dislikes:
Back pain. Feeling sad for no reason.

It's the homeopathy i went to. It's a delayed reaction. Am i going bonkers??? Feeling things I haven't felt since i was younger. That's It. I'm me younger again. I'm young steve, and now i have a second chance, to help myself be tge best person i can be. yeah...
hehe

So, I'm not fonna tpyu myself todnw. U'; gibba tell ysekf the ryutn!

U;n sepciual. I'm special. I'm wonderful. I'm a good person and I deserve to be myself. I don't want to change who i am for anyone else. I want to be me. I am me and me is who i am.

-------------------------------------------

I know how Muriel Heslop feels. She looks in the mirror and doesn't see the right person. In fact, she makes her own fantasy world. It's funny too, the dad is in his own fantasy land. He's bragging to his work associates about how shit his daughter is.

Why do i connect with these people. Why do i feel sad, despite having so much. How can i feel bad, when I have so much to be thankful for.

Life

2010-08-02T03:25:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm...

I've been sick today. You could say it's because my housemate had been sick, but...

I don't understand sometimes. Life...

I mean, I've never understood it completely and I don't think anybody has or ever can fully understand it, but It perplexes me...

Stacie Orrico once said in a song "There's gotta be more to life, than chasing down every temporary high, to satisfy me"-> This is how I feel...

We go through life, we eat, we sleep, we drink, we get sick, we talk, we laugh

Swim
Walk
Run
Dance
Smile
Shudder
Sin
Downsize
Upgrade
Laugh
buy posessions
tell a loved one we care for them
help out a friend
show support
indulge
entertain
make promises
invite disaster
create confusion
destroy oblivion
make a place for ourselves

We wake up, eat, shower, goto work, work, go home, eat, talk, sleep, wake up, eat, shower, goto work, work, go home, eat, talk, sleep, wake up, eat, shower, goto work,

We dream

IT's a ocnstant cycle. We do all these things. Is this all we ever do? Shurely there's something behind all this. There has to be something more. I've lived unknowingly in this pattern for years and now I've woken out of it and I'm feeling like I'm going crazy! What am i Supposed to do?! How do i do it, What is 'it'.

I don't understand... I'm not suicidal and I'd never dream of taking my life, i value being alive too much. But why do i value it?

I value the good times. I value love and happiness and making someone elses life better. I can't see any fantastic ways of making my life fantastic like that, so the least i can do is lift others up.
'
Could that be my purpose in life? Could that in fact, be all of our purposes? To help each other, to nurture each other and to love each other. Otherwise what is it that we do?

Ants go about their business day to day the same. We are no different. We have cues we follow and we do them. When someone shows a single ant that they've been following the herd and that they can choose whatever they want out of life, that ant will find itself being turned upside down. What am i to do now? I can't go back to seeing the world the way i used to... I can't collect food for the Queen and nothing more. No, I have to make somethihng of myself. I have to be the best ant i can possibly be.

This ant is going to strive for perfection. I want my body, mind and soul to be the best they can be. I vow now, to make my transition into beauty once and for all. I will treat any others the way I'd like to be treated. I'll stand up for myself and I'll treat myself with the dignity and respect that I deserve. No longer will i be a pitiful fool.

If i have another 60 years of life to live, I want to live them in style. I want to live my life not as someone who tastes food and gets a cheap thrill, but someone who works hard for his goals and gains self respect from myself and others.

I'm going to get in touch with my higher self and attune myself with reality and non reality as best as i can. I'm going to start exercising properly and going to bed in proper time.

My name is Stephen. I am a beacon of light love and hope. I am going to change my life. I am going to be the best i can be in all aspects of my life. This is a promise to myself. I dedicate this blog to my journey.

I live in the present, I have learnt from the past and it served me well, but now I live in the moment. I see things for what they are, as they occur.

Blog Contract 18 - 03 - 2010

2010-03-17T18:47:00.001-07:00

PS i do vow solemnly, and Swear, that i shall not delete any of the following blog posts. Or this one. Or the one i wrote before the one you're reading now. I also vow to follow more people, including Jasper Schultz, Yarraville Paul, Picture Perfect and World Wide Jeb (That's not his actual name - thanks Google Buzz - yok yok).

Back again in 2010. (Rhyme)

2010-03-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

Back once more. I cannot keep away. Since i have the net at home, I'm going to access this a lot more and really give my opinions and thoughts at life, and what's going on these days. Alas, for now, I am at work and cannot stay here. But i shall return soon. Ta-ra

New things:

Bought a piano keyboard at Allans music for 300 bucks. They didn't give me a power cord tho, so i took my day off for nothing. Weeeellll, that's not true. What is true is that i was forlorn as i did not get to play my keyboard. Soon i will buy ABBA music to play, and i will create my own music and it shall be a grand grand time.

My current Bf and i are having trouble of sorts. He has a clear plan of what he wants out of life and i have nothing except a few ideas of what i do not want. Am thinking that I'm the sort of person who drifts through life, lucky in my drifting such that i always land the right side up when i hit the banks of the next small island...

I'm going to Volunteer at more places and get a feel for what i want my life to be. This much i know. I want to help people. Also, i know that i have feelings for my bf, although is it love? I am unsure, i cannot tell...

I cna't wait til Easter to just kick back.

Is it weird that i want to be more involved in gay culture? I want to goto the pub with guys and talk about random stuff, and dance and have fun...

I also want a bit more excitement when it comes to the boudoir-esque part of life.

At 23 I am lost in my goals...I have no dreams, no future to speak of... What ever shall i do?

Find out next time on Helpful Elephant...